a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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