So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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