he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
