I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
