worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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