Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
