There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
