i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
