haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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