and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
