I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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