I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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