Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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