So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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