He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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