so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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