Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
jump out the window naked night went bad
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
