JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
