Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
