No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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