you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
