my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
