I cockslap morals
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
