I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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