She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
