Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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