It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think your dad took our porno
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
