I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You did what with his pubic hair?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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