Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
