I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
