It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
