There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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