I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
