Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
