Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
