:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
