You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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