So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
