Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
