AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
