she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
