In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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