I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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