Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
