ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
