Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
