I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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