hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
