the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
