Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
